And at the same time I am both happy and extremely dissatisfied where my life is. 18 is so young, but at the same time, it is really not. Having lived my life thus far, I realize that I am different....but I am not unique. I have never met anyone exactly like me. I meet people with similar opinions and thoughts, attitudes or ambitions. But no, I have never met anyone JUST like me. Good. Because we would hate eachother.
I can say that, at this "landmark" age, I have done a lot to be proud of. For one, I live in Brazil as an exchange student. How many can say they did this? A small percentage. Everyone tells me this is once in a lifetime. It's really not. I never want to get married or have kids because they would hold me back from what I want to do. I want to travel more, and never consider myself isolated from one place or another...especially not here. I will study abroad in college, and hopefully more afterwards. I have no idea what I want to do specifically yet, but I know English is broad enough to cover any possibilities. I will do well in college. In Highschool. I was constantly distracted by life...it's what I do. I always think so much, to the point where people don't believe I have much of a brain function. I am not unintelligent...though my thoughts are often scattered.
I have also done a lot of work to help others, something I have always been overly ambitious about. No, I am not a big fan of people in general. I prefer to be isolated. But it is the right thing, to help someone less fortunate. The right thing in my brain is the only thing that matters. I hate when people just do work to make themselves feel better, or meet a requirement, or just to look better. It should be done without reward. The reward is knowing someone else is living better.
I know, at this "young age" what I believe, and I know who I am. I know what I believe and what I think. I often times am very vocal abut my opinions, but other times, I feel that what I believe is my own business, and it should not be known to the world (i.e religion, veganism...it goes on). My opinions do not change. I am a harsh critic. I am hardest on myself though. I am a hypocrite. I have impossible expectations, but I will meet every single one.
At a younger age, I never expected to make it this far. I don't want to go into any kind of detail, but I know now that life is good. Life is for living, no, that does not mean partying. I have not accomplished everything that I need to. I have lived a life I can say I am proud of, but not proud of things that I have done. I am never going to apologize for being me, and making mistakes, and I will never regret anything I have done. I am myself.
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On a lighter note: Tonight should be good!
I did not sleep AT ALL last night...It was impossible...I kept trying and just gave up and went online some more. Sooo bad. I have been sleeping so well, but all of a sudden...no. I also realize how much I hate the look of painted on makeup now...
Back in the U.S. SOOOO many girls just pound it on...seriously. They end up with a sometimes beautiful, but fake, looking face. I always hid behind that too, I would NEVER go out without at least foundation, eyeliner and mascara on. Coming here, there are a ton more girls wearing just natural looking, if any, makeup, and they look beautiful. I stopped with the eyeliner and full face after coming here. Mascara and foundaion is usually all...with a little eyeliner. On special occasions, like dances and parties, girls will wear eyeliner and shadow and other things, and look just as beautiful. I feel like a full face is something you should do on occasion...weird...ahahaha
I got a new shirt from this family this morning! Very cool. We also had a lot more things without meat for lunch today! Tonight, I will eat pizza with a friend of mine and her family ( that are intregued with me...for some reason) and then hopefully with my other friends :D
It is going to be a good year.
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