There really is no one else like me.

I am weird. I always say that everyone is, I just show it a litttttle bit more. But truly, who else, what SANE 17 year old, one who has wanted to leave home forever, who graduated a year early, would want to return to the exact place they fled from, just to be productive? I have four days of school left. Four. Then it's summer vacation. That means I've been in school here for a month. Since June, I have been in school for one month, learned nothing and slept half the time. Woo.

It's driving me crazy.

I never wanted to consider community college when I was back home, where my options were then endless. Here though, after eventually getting quite used to the fact, I would not mind a semester of classes there. School is school, and here, there is none. My portuguese is ever so slow, and I'm frustrated again to the point of almost no return. My parents here and other people are trying to speak Portuguese at me like I'm fluent, and I actually yelled at someone today, they did not understand at all, but I said "I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, WHY DON'T YOU GET THAT?!" Temper temper. It was in such a condescending way too, that if someone said that to me, I'd smack them in the face. Okay, no. But I'd be pissed.
My desire to learn here is lacking. With my only concern being college right now, it's kind of sticky. This exchange is on my application, and it says I'm here for the full ride. I wish I had changed that. Colleges definitely like students who had studied abroad, it gives me a leg up maybe, where my unacceptable grades from the past year being me down. I'm already in one school, down in Kentucky. I love it there, so awesome, but a school in New York is probably more realistic. Don't get me wrong, I want to go there, but I have to wait and see for now.

I spent the weekend at a friends house, I'm extremely irritable. We spent most of the time online, which I didn't mind. Any communication I have back home makes me feel better. But her parents both smoke, in the house, and I have a VERY low tolerance for smoking. It really bugs me. It makes me not breathe. Andddddd, my anger rushes. It's bad. But spending the weekend playing "snake" just reminded me how much nothing I get done here. I hate to be so negative, but well, that is who I am.

Though the more time I spend away from Clifton Park and Shen, the more I realize how much I don't miss it. Last year, I rushed through everything, extremely busy all of the time. I lost a lot of friends mainly from lack of communication and stress.I've definitely witnessed how easy it is to lose touch with people, even those you considered part of your life forever. In less than a year everyone I grew up with will be heading in separate directions. Colleges all over, many, I know, may stay local or go to SUNY schools or something, colleges are huge and the chances of me running into them is very slim. I don't really feel like risking that though. Part of my does not want to go home, back to New York, to the same people and the same things. Drifting happens, and I don't deny that many friends I had before, they aren't there anymore.