So, that deserves an explanation.

If I said that I had come here and not believed I would fall in love with it, well, that would be a lie. My friends here, they do not understand why I love it SO much, but it is so different here, and so....perfect for me. As little like real, big city Brasil Palmas is...I know for a fact that Brasil is where my heart is.

I have so little left back home, like I said. And I know my trip has to be cut very short in order for me to return for college. I do not feel that studying abroad is an opportunity I will never have again. In fact, in college, I plan to do another year somewhere, perhaps Australia....that is on my list of places. I will never feel trapped at home ever again. I know now that ANYTHING is completely possible...I just have to find another job....hahahaha

My Portuguese improves every single day, and for someone who knew NOTHING coming here, I feel pretty accomplished...though I do not try. People here are wonderful. The bipolar weather does not bother me. School....well it's out for summer, but it is not bad at all. I can not even begin to imagine leaving here now. It has been a RIDICULOUS turn around recently. Once I let myself go and just accept the fact that I love it here...well...it all became so real. Graduating early was not a mistake. Where ever life takes me now, I'm ready. I want to do something with English, and a minor in like anthropology or something, and ALWAYS continure learning new languages, and working on my Portuguese. I wanted to teach English, maybe abroad or something.


ANYWHO. I'll finish this post later...

Okay, so I know that I always contradict myself. Always. Multiple times a day. So many times, in fact, that it even irritates me. But that is who I am. Undecided.
I sat in bed A LOT today, much like I had earlier in my stay. Of course, that is not the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it gave me time to think. Thinking. Like, why the hell did I apply to so many schools in New York? And. Why is college so expensive? I have no idea. I applied to college so quickly and randomly, that my choices make little sense to me. I want to be an English major with a minor in Anthropology. Maybe. Knowing myself, I will change my mind 100 times, most likely end up transferring schools, and then change it back. My many goals in life need to be at a community college before I go into massive debt prior to age 25. OKAY. That has so little to do with Brasil or my stay here. Well, I was thinking about what I want to do in college, and like I said earlier, I want to definitely study abroad. I wish I applied to school in California. Or Colorado.


BUAGHBUAGHBHUAGH.....okay. So I've been reallyyyyy antsy today. Too much stored energy, not enough to do on a nasty nasty day like today. Yesterday, I ate way too much. Wooo. I went to he gym too. Well...I stepped foot into it. To see what it looked like. No, I did not so anything in it. But I walked around the city a lot.

I'm almost completely used to the food here now. I bought a ton of candy yesterday on my way home from a friends house. Ate it all before I got home. I live one block from the store.

My confusion in life has always been like this. I have ridiculous expectations for myself, and I will never be good enough. I want to do so much, and it really makes me angry that I am almost 18 and have done SO little with my life. I need to do more, and what exactly that entails I will not know until I spend more time making mistakes and pondering life. I need to travel more, work more, try harder and do things that are actually making a difference. I always told myself I wanted to join the Peace Corps after college. That would be awesome, but it's SO far away. I need to be doing things now. Well, after I get home from Brasil, that is.