Beautiful day, not so beautiful

It is a bit chilly today, but the sun is up and the sky is blue. No complaints there. I don't feel like I'm missing too much right now, I heard it hasn't even snowed a significant amount in New York yet anyway. January snowflakes are always better, so I won't think about the snow yet. My family here is sick, they all have a cold or something, and I'm paranoid. I do not let myself get sick, but here I don't talk any vitamins so I'm being super cautious. I'm putting myself in my room for as long as possible, because no one comes in here...thank goodness.

I really like to be alone. It's sad. School is sometimes fun and I enjoy it (my professors have all been giving me tests, and it's fun for me....kind of) it gives me something to do I guess. In school back home, I basically failed chemistry. I took a test today in Quimica (Chem) and got three questions right, and one I had the right answer but changed it...so I give myself a 4/13 :D

I took two tests today total, and did a lot of nothing. I've been having the most ridiculous mood swings here, and there is no explanation for it. At school I have very little time when I'm sad, just tired. When I get home, I just retreat to my toom where I sit until I'm needed. I'm not sure at all how summer is going to work, if I sit in here all day I'll go mad. I have not been sleeping at all. I've tried, and even when I feel tired, my mind wont rest. I have two little sisters here too, which is not a help. Very loud, hyper ones. I find myself lacking energy to even try a conversation with them, I'm not good with kids...not at all.

I'm thinking heavily about wanting to leave. I have made friends here, and I have very little to go back to New York for. When I am at school, I don't want to leave at all, but once it's over...I never know what to do with myself. If I leave, my family will not be happy about it. Neither will Rotary. And I think all exchange students have their doubts, but I don't think it's supposed to be a pitch black cloud that follows you everywhere. School ends soon, and I'm going to give summer here a go...for as long as I can.

I have to try to get some sleep, tonight I have a Rotary meeting, and last week we got home after midnight. So awful. I have these permanent dark circles under my eyes and there is nothing I want more in this world right now than to curl up in my own big, pink bed.