Oh, confusion!

Last night was very good, but once I came home it became a bit unpleasant.

I stayed in yesterday for most of the day. My parents had their relatives over to watch a big futbal game (Internacional x Gremio). My family now is for Inter. I am pretty shy with them all, so I stayed in my room. Wagninho came over around four and we left for a few hours, I ate pinhao at his house, and we drank tea- Let me rephrase...I drank tea, he drank hot sugar water. Gross. Nonetheless, I can not begin to explain how completely lost I would be here without him. He has become my best friend in this city, and I will love him forever (:

My trip for Amazonia starts tomorrow, or it is supposed to. There was a lot of confusion last night that made me nervous. I had to contact my parents in New York and run around a lot today. Hehehehe, I did not go to school today....

...FUNNY I DON'T REMEMBER SWALLOWING GLASS. I never get sick in New York. Here I sometimes get sore throats or fevers or sick from food and what not. My throat has been hurting on and off but today it's super sore. Last night too. I just bought some Halls...which people laugh at me for. Here, cough drops are candy, in the US...they are medication. Weird.

Tonight I have to go to Pato Branco, another city, and meet with another exchanger there. Then we are travelling together to the airport in Foz. I hope it all works out. I need to go on this trip! Ahh! I've been too excited for this since I have come here, so it's hard to imagine something getting messed up. I packed all day today. I'm so ready (:

I don't think I'll have internet for ten+ days...so I will try to update after then. But knowing me, I will get lazy.

Missing prom.

It hurts a little bit, I wont lie. I moved on and accepted the fact that I am separate from my class now. The class I WAS in, actually. It is just hard that I went sixteen years of my life with them all, and then was torn and placed in a separate group. I got over the shock of that months ago. But now, I see all of these pictures popping up on my Facebook news feed, and I just remember last year. I got ready for Junior prom with Bridget, and I had an amazing time. Senior prom for me was hard. I knew I definitely did not belong. But I had a pretty dress with a party after. Just flashbacks make me feel a little. But like I've said so many times before, I would not trade this time here for anything.

In fact...I kind of don't want to go back there...ever. It was the hardest thing I had done in my life, walking away from my two best friends at the airport. I was completely caught off guard. I never expected it to be that difficult. Now, the clock is ticking...and I am thinking about when I have to leave my life here, with fewer chances of returning that I would like. I have friends that want to meet me at the airport here, too. But this time, I don't know how I could walk away.

I knew that this trip would not last forever, so not being able to see my friends there did not kill me. I have three best friends in New York, who make me SO proud to be there for them. I love them to death, and I knew that they would still love me too, when I came back. Here, it is much more risky. I love some people here to the point where I hurt thinking about leaving. And I know I will return here in a few years, but what are the guarantees they will remember me? None.

On a lighter note, I hope everyone has an amazing time tonight!

Things I have learned on my exchange, thus far...

1.) Never let a seven year old do your hair with a plastic round-brush.



Don't you wish I had more to add to this? I know I do.

Things I miss at the current moment:

1.) My dog. It's lonely when I wake up from an afternoon nap and have no one barking at everything that moves. Or doesn't. You know, he's special.

2.) Green tea. Here, I have little say in grocery lists, but I don't complain. Back in NY I would chug green tea daily.

3.) Driving. It's strange because I hate driving. Entirely.

4.) Being skinny. I gained weight here I have deemed unavoidable.

5.) Having control over all my money. Here, I have to call my mother and have her send it to me, which takes about ten percent of whatever I receive. Lovely.

6.) Working. If you know me, it's understood.

That's it right now.

This week was bad. I blame it on the medication. I have medication. It messes with me.

Tomorrow night is prom back in New York. Have fun everyone, be safe, and able to remember it :)

Strangely enough, I lost my connection with me "class" back home, so missing prom does not kill me. Not at sll.

Life is funny sometimes.

But sometimes it is just a pain in the butt.

I called home the other night, and talked with my mother. I needed to talk about some things, and I remember exactly how I felt throughout this conversation. My blood BOILED. I have not felt a stress or irritation, like I felt through the phone with her, not since I had left. I think it's funny how family can just get under my skin. I do not want to go back to New York, mostly because I can not picture living there again. It frustrates me. It also amazes me how I can just live so happily here. Life is so much simpler, everything is. Yeah, I have some complaints, but all in all, my life here is better than ever.

One issue I have here is gossip. It happens no matter where you are, but this city being so small makes ignoring impossible. I hate that they talk about me so much, in childish ways. I feel like in my class (the equivalent to senior year) they are less mature than the first class (9th or 10th grade.) I have friends outside of school, and one good friend in class. He is older than me, which is probably why we get along. I have a friend here who is 14, and he is already more mature than the 17 year olds in my class. How ridiculous.


Anyway, life is good. I just need money...

I go on a trip in 5 days! :)

I love understanding.

And it is well known how frustrated I become when I do not understand. I was with my friend Paulo today, and something made me crack up. First of all, he speaks fluent English, and with me always. When other people come along he cracks out the Portuguese. Anyway...today we went for coffee, and afterwards were walking around the city. A friend of his (who I had met already through another friend) came up. The two had a short conversation that went something like this:

"HOME!"
"Oi cara, tempo como vc esta?"
"Tudo bem, fui pra cafe agora...vc?"
"nada..."

Normal stuff, and out of the blue he said...

"Ela gostosa."
And Paulo..."Cara, ela te entende..."
"...oh..."

AAHAHAHAH. I always find it hilarious, but frustrating when people think I do not understand. This was a funny thing today, and after walking away kept laughing for ten minutes. I take it as a compliment. I love when people do that.

NOTE TO PALMAS: I UNDERSTAND YOUR LINGO.

Loving life.

10 reasons why I never want to live in an apartment ever again...

1.) I know the whole "I can't see you, you can't see me, cover your eyes" thing does not exist. But when I can see straight into someone else's home from my view, I can only imagine the show they get to watch.

2.) I have no patience for anything. This includes elevators.

3.) The LOVELY person on the first floor always wants to take the elevator, and other people's time.

4.) I do not want to hear you disciplining your children, arguing and I do not care what you are watching on T.V. among other things.

5.) I like grass.

6.) You are just as unfriendly as I am....why must we suffer so near?

7.) The constant fear of one neighbor burning down the entire building never leaves my brain.

8.) When you smoke on your balcony, I don't need to breathe it in. On nice days, I like my windows open. Thanks for the cancer.

9.) Cramped, white space only belongs on a spaceship.

10.) Going up the elevator to lunch everyday and smelling the plethora of mixed odors from every level is never a pleasant experience.

Have you ever seen a pigeon chasing another pigeon?

I did. In the center square today. I laughed, then tripped. I thought it was so adorable. I don't know it that is some pigeon mating thing, or one was just being a bully, or playing. I always heard pigeons were not so smart, or rat with wings, but nonetheless, it was adorable. One porker pigeon was chasing a skinnier one around, on foot. Other people did not think it was so funny...

PARABENS!

I wanted to post a very happy birthday to Wagninho. 19 today. We have not been talking much in the past few weeks, but you have been an amazing friend to me since I came here. Eu amo voce para sempre, obrigada por tudo, eu nunca vou te esquecer. Parabens, tudo de bom para sempre e felicidades.

Just a small update, we know I'm too lazy to post EVERYTHING now. And I forget sometimes. This past week has been hard for me. A lot went on and I feel horrible sometimes. But this too shall pass (as my mother would say). The clock is TICKING....and it is so weird. I love my life here. I love my friends here. I LOVE EVERYTHING....and when I leave...I leave what I love. And go back to what I fought so hard to get away from. In the next few years, two or three...I will return. I wish it could be forever. I built a life here I can never forget and realized this was the best decision I have ever made.

THE CLOCK IS ALSO TICKING BECAUSE IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS I GO TO THE AMAZON!!!! So excited!! I am so excited, but it is ten less days with my friends here.

I saw a puppy today. He looked JUST like my dog back home, and it made me so sad. I miss my dog, as much of a pain in the butt as he is, he's the only man in my life now hahahaha.

As cheesy as this will sound. I found my heart in Brasil, but also lost it again. It's the worst feeling ever and something I always tried to avoid. I will prevail, but I hate to do that alone...again.