Stressing, JUST a tad.

College, memories, here, there, and everything else.

Let me start out happy. First off, IT'S CARNAVAL!! In my city here, there is really not much going on, anything really, for the week, but I got twelve hours of sleep last night and I am not complaining. Plus, a week of school vacation (alomst a week). I have been sleeping a ridiculous amount lately. Going to bed early, here, it just doesn't happen. But I let nothing interrupt my sleep, I am not Brazilian in that way. hehehe. I've been in bed by 9:30 most days, and wake up by my mental alarm clock at 6:30 every morning. After school, I get home, eat lunch, then take a very long nap :D It's great. I only slept in school two times last week too, thank yu very much.

Also, last night I went to the bus station with Wagninho to see some friends come in from Curitiba! I was really excited, one goes to a different high school there, another to university. I miss those boys like crazy and talking to them for a little bit was great. And...It's only been a few weeks since I've seen them!

I hate that my college is not worked out yet. I always have doubts and take into account well...EVERY little thing about it. I'm two steps away from just going to HVCC when I come back, and sorting it out from there...but I most likely will not. I wanted to go to UK, which is huge and far away. I'm not sure how good their academics are..but I wanted to go somewhere large where I can be myself and at times remain anonymous. Also, 13 hours seems like a good distance.

I always said that once I leave home, I don't want to come back. I've said that and meant it since I can remember, but if I come back from BRAZIL and go to college 20 minutes from where I have lived my entire life...I may have to hate myself.

I wish sometimes, that I could somehow stay here...though I know I cannot. I am happy here, happy for the first time in life. I don't miss family, and very few friends have left any impact on me. I find myself more and more puzzled every day. I have to go back to New York, and go to college. For what and to be what, I really do not know. I always change my mind. I do not like to feel "stuck" and I always do what I feel is right.

At the same time, I log onto facebook and see all these memories I feel like I should have been a part of. I am not a sentimental person at all. I just think a lot. I always thought that I would graduate with my friends, and enemies, and now it's different. I remember reading an article online, it said that facebook lowers your self esteem. People read about how awesome everyone else's lives are and it makes you think bad of your own. That's not really my case. I am still smiling, and will until I board that plane in July.

College stress is getting to me, and it's so much harder to do all my waiting and deciding here.