Too good.

Life. I mean, if I could successfully be a vegan here, this would be heaven, sometimes.

This weekend, I went on a Rotary trip, not with other exchangers, though I did meet two there. I traveled with two other boys from my city, one in my class here, the other will be leaving for Taiwan in August, and together we went to Pato Branco (White Duck). This is a relatively small city as well, but compared to Palmas it's gigantic. I was apprehensive to go, but glad I did. Tons of others my age went, from all around District 4640. I talked with boys I met there mostly, but the girls were awesome too. I took a bunch of pictures, but wont post them for a month or so...not until I get back on my computer. It was perfect except for the fact that I am huge now. That is so ridiculous of me to say, because I am not ugly, I am not fat...I am just larger than when I had arrived here, and not enjoying my clothes being tight.

I talked with the two other exchange students there last night. One is from Denmark, the other from Germany. Both were very nice and beautiful, and also agreed that they do not eat more or very unhealthy here, the weight gain just...happens. That is what all the exchange students I have talked to said. I hate it but I will lose it when I go back to New York...but then I go to college...shit.

I love meeting people from outside of this city. I do not hate Palmas, but it is SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO small. Tiny. And I really do not travel much. I love my friends here and I think a small city is a good place for me, but having more freedom would be awesome. I just love Brazil in general...not as many white people. People give me bad looks when I say that, not here, but there. I mean, whatever. Naturally, I have always been atracted to people with dark hair, dark eyes and dark skin. Soooo much, love it. Ironic how what I like and what I settle for are complete opposites. Yikes.

Everyone here thinks I am beautiful. It's my eyes though, blue eyes are super rare, and I guess mine are extraordinarily bright or something. My hair too, they love my hair, whereas I would love to shave it off. I had a conversation and we all realized we love oppostites. Here, they think light skin, eyes and hair is most attractive. I could not disagree more.

All in all, minus being a little sleep deprived...I had a great weekend. We even saw a mime, which was cool. We did a lot of sitting and listening (yeah, I can actually do that) but it paid off. I met great people that I will not forget :D

Daylight savings kicked my ass

But in a funny way.


okay, so first of all, my host parents went away for the weekend. I stayed here with my host sister and we held down the fort. This has no significance to my story whatsoever, except for her not telling me.

When I first came to Brazil, I thought there was a two hour time difference, I guess there was, but it turned to daylight savings time in New York, and it turned out to be three hours ahead here. Brazil does things differently, and until this morning, I was convinced they just did not change their clocks.

I woke up today at 7:15 A.M...which was horrible, because I leave for school at 7:25 every morning (it is a two minute walk, two blocks left of here, how convenient). I started freaking out silently. My entire host family was asleep. The parents here always are, as one works from home, and the other teaches at school at night time. I got dressed and ready to go, fresh faced (I'll add a little about this later) and knocked on the door next to mine, as she was sleeping still. No answer. I started to freak out a little, it was a weird combination, the sun was SHINING through my window, and my mental alarm clock (which I love) went off. It was time. Finally, at 7:35, late for school, she walks out of her room, and says "6:30"..."No, it's 7:30" I had protested..."6:30..." I looked at my clock, then my watch, then the other clock. 7:30. Daylight savings makes it six, and the clocks changed over the weekend. We, having stayed home, with no obligations, did not change them, and she had forgotten to tell me. Well, it was funnier in the moment. Exchange students are always the weird ones. But we make for a good time.


This morning, with extra time on my hands, I decided to put on a little eyeliner. I hadn't touched it since the Baile do Havai, and before then, I can't even remember. It's so weird that my makeup changes so much, but over the years I've been wearing less and less. I immediately washed it off this morning. I looked disgusting, and all I had applied was a teeny thin line to my top lid. Gross. I prefer just mascara now, just. I feel like girls who need to paint their faces everyday have something to hide. It's not pretty. On occasion, sure. ANYWHO, I'm not one to judge. We all know I'm a hypocrite.


This afternoon two of my good friends came over. I had hung out with them a few days ago as well, over the weekend, just walking around. I am pretty shy to speak Portuguese with most people, but with these two not at all. Wagninho is just goofy all the time, so I don't mind making mistakes, and he will correct me, but he understands for the most part. And as always, I just find getting along with boys easier. Yes, even here.

I've been singing a lot. I hate singing, but it gives me something to do. And not by myself. In class and when I walk and all the time. Not seriously, just goofily singing whatever lines come into my head. For the most part, its Lady GaGa and Miley and Justin Beiber....I know. I can't help it, they're catchy.

Okay

As frustrating as it can be, Portuguese is a lot of fun. I will never again call a pineapple anything but Abacaxi. It's just more fun. And a ton of other words too. I used to hate how words here sounded, now I love it. I'm talking a little more, now that people realize I can, and that I understand. Too many times though, I find myself going into a fit of nervous laughter...soo....they may think I understand nothing.


This week has been a lot of ups and downs. I'm HOPING to reserve my spot for the Amazonia trip in May!! Ahh, that was my motivation to stay my first month of being away. I can't wait!!!

I don't have my workbook for school (here it is a big book with all your subjects in it, workbook/textbook) because the store ran out. They said they should have had it by this week, but I still do not have one. My host mother is paying for it for me, which I am grateful for (it's kind of expensive, and they use four different ones each year). I want it so I don't have to be bored. Boredom is NOTHING compared to my first month in school, back when I had arrived. Then I did NOTHING at all, but I couldn't, I didn't understand. Now, I just find myself completely blocking out chemistry and math (more chemistry than math) and literature as well. I love that talent of mine. I can completely block out noise from my thoughts sometimes. So great. I sit there and doodle or just stare off into space...people think I am sad or upset I think, but I am just occupying time. Today I desided to write numbers during math, around a page on my notebook. I reached 2504 after one class or so of it. Needless to say I want my notebook so I can actually participate more.


Also, I have booked my return date. Well, a general date and I will be arriving sometime around that week. I refuse to disclose that information with anyone though.

I also decided that I am going to return to Brazil in AT MOST three years from now. The world cup is coming in three years here, I have heard. And as huge as soccer is here on a daily basis, seeing it be a huge, country-wide thing will be amazing. I want to be here for that, definitely.

I made a life goal to see the world before I am 25. Don't doubt me, coming here was just dipping my toe, and right now, I like how the water feels ;)

I seem to have forgotten

How much of a people person I am NOT. I guess. I'll start with good news.


Today, I bought a backpack. It was raining when I walked to school this morning and I got my books wet. If you know me, you know I keep better care of my books than I do of my dork self. Needless to say, I was irritated. I came home, ate lunch, and almost immediately walked to the store across the street to look. Some were all glitzy and stuff, others very masculine. I settled for a boy's backpack, but it could be said to be unisex I suppose. A small, blue Adidas bad was fine for what I need. I love school supplies, and the other afternoon I went out to buy a new note book< pencil case and random supplies. So effing cute by the way, all of the school supplies.

I now have a Pooh Bear notebook. Shut up. It came with stickers.

Also some good news-school. Today would have been a nightmare for me last year. Two classes of math (which is equivalent to 1.5 hours), two Biology, one Chemistry...and gym to end it right :)

But really...I love Biology. Chemistry I just had a nice teacher last year, and we know about my math issues. But today, I was taking notes, and I actually understood. Everything. I'm not talking about the language, because that comes and goes. We were working on math problems separately (Trigonometry), and when the teacher went over them....I had ACTUALLY done them right. And it was not hard. So weird. And in Bio and Chem I understood because it is mostly things that I had learned before. But I have to say...I think the education down here is WAY ahead of in the U.S....as in, they learn a WHOLE lot more than "we" do.


....


Okay. Today was a landmark day on my exchange. I got yelled at. No, not yelled at. I got a stern talking to. I got in trouble. And I guess it was just a matter of time. I am a pain in the ass. Less of one here, I think. But I'm probably not the best exchange student to ever live.
In New York, I got "in trouble" sometimes. I got yelled at a lot by some teachers, family and stuff. But I am good at ignoring things. The only person I ever took to heart that yelled at me was my boss. I remember when I got yelled at FOR REAL by her the first time. I cried like a baby and wouldn't look her in the eye for weeks. But it's different getting in trouble and getting told in a foreign language. I didn't feel like I was in trouble. My host mom here can he harsh but she was extremely light on me...I expected worse, because I saw it coming.

Anyway, I walked away unchanged. But it started to boil inside of me. I hate rules. I live a KIND OF tame life back home. I don't do things exceedingly dumb that most people my age do. I don't have rules to live by there. I hate that I have them here, though I am 18 now...and I can not live exactly the way my Brazilian friends do. So stupid.

and now I am pissed at this keyboard. It beeps and fritzes and the computer is horrible. I want mine back :(

Back to school!

Today was the first day back in school for the new year. Here the year is spread out differently, as you may have noticed. Summer vacation came to a close yesterday, and as depressing as that is....it is also not at all. School here is not horrible. It's pretty short, all things considering. The classes seem to be intense, and now it sucks because I actually understand things. I think my sleeping during class days may be over...damn.

A bunch of my classmates are not in my class anymore. There is also handful (actually, more than half of my class is made ) of new students. Most, if not all, just transferred from other schools in the city. It was cool because I was new to them today, most of my school is used to me by now, if not sick of me hahaha.

All in all, not a bad start. There was cake. I did not sleep a wink last night, regardless of heading to bed early. I laid in bed all night, and simply rolled out ay 6:30. That hasn't happened in forever. Also, the head of the school told me I need to start wearing the uniform. Luckily, for the grade I am in, the uniform consists of a heinous t-shirt.

....


Update. I wrote that last part earlier. I had finished writing and posted that just as I was walking out the door to buy my heinous uniform t-shirts. I must say, heinous does not quite describe the awful feelings I have for these shirts. Whoever designed this hates children.

January flew by.

Now that I think about it.


Things have been pretty slow lately. Since the Baile, I've spent days being a bit lazy. Visiting with friends and just keeping occupied. What is terrible though, is that school starts next week.

Don't get me wrong. I love school. I do. But here, it will be hard.
Everyone I used to talk to has either graduated, and moved on, or are moving to Curitiba. I am NOT exaggerating when I say this either...EVERYONE is going to Curitia. I have friends that have lived their already and will return for school, I know others who are moving there for school...be it college or finishing high school. It's tough. I do still have some good friends here....I hope. But none that I really talk with much. School here is a short day, but it will be a miserable, quiet one at that...

I realize that is my biggest frustration. NOT understanding. In New York, I would either accept that I understand or I do not. Things either came to me or they did not. Trying did little...take math, for example. I detest mathematics with EVERY fiber of my being. I can not do it, it does not register in my head, and I accept that it never well. History, on the other hand, I love. Facts about how things came to be and what not...I love it. It takes nothing more than reading to learn it. I remember it well, too. Portuguese...well....it's like walking up a gigantic hill of ice...with lava at the bottom (oh yeah, I know what that's like). I thought I wou ld elaborate on this, but I lost my train of thought. Think about it though. Every time I think I have it down....I slip. I can read and when I listen attentively, I understand. When I am tired or upset....I just block it out unintentionally, and understand NOTHING. That frustrates me. And once I lose my place in a conversation, I have no hope of catching back up. Some days are better than others... and well...sometimes it is just bad. It sucks, because I KNOW I can do it, and I can learn it. I just hate speaking. Every fucking word I say goes mocked. Excuse that language. But it is discouraging, really.

Yesterday was one of those days where I just could not feel better. One of the days I wanted to just count time until I left. I have a feeling once school starts...I'll go back to my calandar-making.

Don't get me wrong. Some things here I love. Some things about the culture and life here in general, but others I hate. I can not stand some parts of it. The same goes with New York. I miss my friends, and my diet...and feeling at ease with living in one place, anxiety-free. But so much there...I never want to return to. I wish I could take the good things from both and just, put them together. I can't imagine living a completely "American" life after this. But I will have to eventually leave it behind here. It is hard to think about...but things change.